Liv, an American lady wot comments on this site, recently published a list of stuff she hasn't done yet. Here's the list, with added comments in italics by me ...
01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
Fuck that. There's probably a paedophile in the pub and I'm damned if I'm buying a paedophile a free beer.
02. Swam with wild dolphins
A bit 'Age of Aquarius' this one, what what? Sod dolphins - swim with dogs. Dogs are fun.
03. Climbed a mountain
I've climbed loads of mountains. Mountain climbing's a hobby of mine. So I win.
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
Fuck that. I wouldn't mind taking a Tie-Fighter for a test-drive.
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid
Fuck that.
06. Held a tarantula
I'm not holding a bloody spider, no chance.
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
I've done that. And, surprise surprise, it don't take long before love's in the air, if you get my meaning. Because I mean sex, like. You end up having sex. Yes?
08. Said “I love you” and meant it
I've said that and meant it. My dog seemed to appreciate the sentiment. BOOM BOOM!
09. Hugged a tree
I've hugged one with a chainsaw. And I've pissed up a few in my time too.
10. Bungee jumped
Fuck that. I'd give it a go if the operators of bungee jumping equipment didn't look like they smoked quite so much dope.
11. Visited Paris
Fuck that.
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea
I've done this on a ferry to Spain. It's the same as a lightening storm on the ground, only wobblier.
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
Done that. Used to be able to cope with it. Now feel like shit if I stay up. Because I'm a crappy old bastard.
14. Seen the Northern Lights
Seen 'em. Remained unimpressed.
15. Gone to a huge sports game
Done that, had fun.
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
I meant to go to Pisa when I was on 'oliday but didn't get round to it. I did manage to climb up to the top of the dome of the Duomo in Florence though. And nearly had a fucking heart attack for my troubles.
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
Done that. They tasted good.
18. Touched an iceberg
I've touched a woman with the personality of an iceberg, does that count?
19. Slept under the stars
Done that. Very cold. Not recommended.
20. Changed a baby’s diaper
Fuck that. Wierdly, this comment is written by a mother. How the fuck she managed to get out of changing her baby's shitty nappies is a question only she can answer. Well? Eh?
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
Done that. Spent the entire time waiting for us to crash to the ground in a ball of flame. Have similar horrific visions when travelling on aeroplanes.
22. Watched a meteor shower
I've watched women in the shower. Not like a pervert, mind. They've known I was there ... most of the time. Where's my knife??
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
I've gotten drunk on just about every alcoholic beverage commercially available in Europe and the USA. Result is always the same - mouth feeling like someone's shit in it, inexplicable lack of money in wallet, annoyed look on girlfriend's face, e-mail inbox full of furious replies to mail I don't remember sending, blah blah blah ...
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
Fuck that.
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
Done that then, like a lot of men who find 'emselves in command of a telescope, turned my attention to hunting for couples having sex in flats opposite.
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
Have loads of these because I'm incapable of taking anything seriously.
27. Had a food fight
Well I've thrown food at people.
28. Bet on a winning horse
And I've bet on lots of losing 'orses too.
29. Asked out a stranger
Done that. Result was as you'd expect.
30. Had a snowball fight
Done that. How can you avoid having a snowball fight? I thought they were a mandatory aspect of childhood?
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
Fuck that.
32. Held a lamb
Never held one ... eaten plenty of the little bastards though.
33. Seen a total eclipse
FUCK THIS!
The list goes on longer than this. It's available here. Liv's a bit bonkers I reckon.
Liv's Big List Of Regret
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4 comments:
You dolt. Lay off the sauce. My post indicates that the things not put in bold type have not been accomplished. Ergo, the things in BOLD, I have done. AND that includes changing any number of nappies--most recently this morning.
Oh sorry. I didn't really read your post properly. I've had a bit of a day of it getting m'self worked up about those fuckers in the European Union mucking about with our sausages.
You should be sorry. Very, very sorry. And where are my answers?
Where's my bloody questions?
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